If you want to live a longer, happier life, friendships are crucial—even more so than family relationships.
Consider the 2005 Australian Longitudinal Study of Aging, which revealed that close relationships with children and other relatives had minimal impact on longevity. However, those with the most friends lived 22 percent longer than those with the fewest. The number of friendships is significant, but the quality of these friendships is even more critical.
A clinical review of nearly 150 studies, involving over 300,000 people tracked for an average of more than seven years, found that individuals with strong social ties had a 50 percent better chance of survival, regardless of age, sex, health status, and cause of death, compared to those with weaker ties. To put it bluntly, the health risk of having few friends is akin to smoking 15 cigarettes a day and is more dangerous to your lifespan than obesity or lack of exercise.
It’s important to note that “strong social ties” refer to genuine friendships, not social media connections. (For example, having over a million LinkedIn followers doesn’t equate to having real friends.)
Another point to consider is that only about half of the people you consider friends see you the same way. While this may seem harsh, it makes sense since people’s definitions of friendship vary. Moreover, maintaining too many friendships isn’t feasible, which brings us to Dunbar’s Number.
Oxford evolutionary scientist Robin Dunbar posits that the maximum number of stable relationships one can maintain is around 150. These relationships vary in closeness: one or two truly best friends (like a significant other and maybe one other person), about ten people with whom you have a strong affinity and interact with frequently, and many others who are more acquaintances than close friends.
This theory resonates intuitively. While I am friendly with many, I have very few close friends—perhaps just one. This aligns with a 2021 study finding the average person has only 2.08 close friends.
All things considered, there is a stark difference between “friends” and connections. Having too many superficial relationships can actually lead to greater feelings of insecurity and loneliness, increasing the risk of illness and death similarly to obesity, smoking, and alcoholism.
When it comes to friendship and longevity, the goal isn’t to have more friends or collect as many as possible. The key is to have two or three close friends, along with several others who bring joy, share common interests, or contribute to mutually beneficial relationships.
To live longer, you don’t need to be less friendly, reduce your social media connections, or limit your personal or professional relationships. Instead, focus on nurturing the most important ones.
The easiest way to do this? Think about how you can make those closest to you happier, and then do it. See “care” as a verb—step in, step up, encourage, help, and do something selfless just because you can.
If you’re unsure how to help someone close to you, just ask. Close friends don’t wait to be asked.
